If I'm Lucky
by Cassie Valentine
Summary: They were both pretty screwed up. She knew why she was: a crazy mother would do that to any one. She had ideas about him, a wife and kids killed in the war. He came her shortly after, for a fresh start. Luby before the first break up. Wrtten in '04.


They were both pretty fucked up, she knew that. She knew why she was the way she was, a crazy mother would fuck anyone up but him, there was so much more there. She knew bits and pieces that he shared with her; he'd been married in Croatia, a couple of kids and he'd lost them all in the war. He'd left shortly afterwards and come to the States. She assumed he'd come here for a fresh start.

Abby took a drag from her smoke as she watched the sun rise from the roof. She had considered just running out to the ambulance bay, but something had drawn her up and out instead of just out.

"Aren't you cold?" she heard from behind her. She hugged her scrub top a little tighter around her. She hadn't noticed the chill until he had said something.

"I was fine until you said something," she informed him with a little shiver. She heard him chuckle and thanked him when he dropped his large coat over her small frame.

"Those will kill you one day."

"If I'm lucky," she responded as she took one last drag and dropped it to the roof, putting it out with her foot. "Are you just coming on?"

"Yes," Luka replied as he watched the sun with her. She nodded and a comfortable silence fell over the two. He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. Things had been a little tense since the incident on the bridge. He had assumed it was because she couldn't believe what she had seen. He couldn't believe it him self. He had killed a man and gotten away with it and he had killed him in the most savage manner imaginable. The thing that shocked him about his actions what that he had it in him to kill a man. He had seen acts like that on the street during the war and had always prided himself in being able to say he would never fall to that level of primal brutality. He had changed after Danijella and the children had died. Something in him had died and never came back. "What about you?" he asked finally.

"Yeah," she said.

"How about we stay in tonight," he suggested.

"And do what?" she asked. She liked the idea of staying in instead of having to piss around with things to get ready to go out.

"I don't know," he said with a smile and laugh. "Watch some television, order in some greasy take out, talk . . .stay in," he said with a shrug. She laughed with him.

"That sounds good," she told him.

"Good, I'll see you after your shift?"

"Yeah," she said as they turned and headed for the door to go back in.

* * *

"This is false advertising," Abby complained as she picked through the box of Chinese in her hand.

"What?" Luka asked as he tried to figure out the chop sticks.

"I don't think 5 prawns is a 'galaxy' of prawns," she commented as she picked them out. He laughed at her as he finally gave up on the chop sticks and grabbed a fork. "It's not funny. I ordered a galaxie and I want a galaxy," she complained as she put the box down and took another. Luka shook his head and flipped through the channels. He paused on the news for a moment before moving on. "You're pretty quiet for someone who wanted to talk," she said after he started his third trip through the channels.

"Sorry," he said.

"It's okay. I was just commenting," she said with a shrug.

"I'm still a little new to this, things are rusty," he told her. She looked at him, confused. "This dating and small talk, it's been a while for me," he said, flashing a smile, trying to lighten the mood. She nodded.

"Tell me about them," she said suddenly, not really sure what had possessed her to say that. He blinked at her a few times. "Sorry, ignore that," she said, burring her nose in the take out box again.

"I met her in high school," he said after a moment. "We married shortly after we were done. Jasna was born a year later, Marco a few years after that. He was a bit of a surprise," Luka admitted with a smile. Abby returned it, a little forced, but it was there. "We needed things from the store and they were bouncing off the walls and I told them no. I was a few blocks away when I heard the whistle." He shook his head. "I could have saved Danijella, but I couldn't leave Jasna. Marco was dead." A heavy silence fell over them and Abby didn't know what to do. They were both pretty fucked up, but she had no idea how to handle this. She took his hand after a moment and held on. He gave it a squeeze and the two stayed silent.

"My mom's bipolar," she told him after a long moment. "My dad left when I was little and I pretty much raised Eric. I met Richard in high school, he was few years older than me." She shrugged. "We got married, I put him through med school and he fucked me in the end," she said with another shrug, carefully omitting the abortion. He nodded in understanding. "We're a pair of pretty fucked up people," she said out loud. He looked at her, a little confused. "Not that that's necessarily a bad thing. I suppose everyone is pretty fucked up in their own way. We're just a little more fucked up than normal."

"I guess we are," he said after a long moment. "I don't think I'd have you any other way though," he said after a moment.

"Oh good, because what you see is what you get," she informed him with a laugh. "I'm gonna get some air," she said, code for going for a smoke.

"They'll kill you some day," he said as he got up and followed her out onto the fire escape.

"If I'm lucky," she replied. "Just not tonight," she added. He laughed and grabbed a blanket for them to sit on.


End file.
